I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching if you will the past few weeks. I’ve been hanging around KTC and posting roll, checking other groups out, posting here and there, and offering support. But then the March group got started, and I all of a sudden I got involved. I got the feeling that I wanted to help this group as much as possible. Three reasons for this: my quit date was March 16, 2010; my birthday is in March, and my mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in March.

Then I started reflecting on some of the sayings we use from time to time. I’m sure you’ve said, or heard someone say things, like “Get your head in the game.” Or, you’ve heard people make analogies to sports in a business meeting, etc. That got me to thinking about this thing we’re doing called quitting. It’s not a game, it’s a fight.

I get angry at my addiction. I get angry at my weakness. When I wake up in the morning, I expect to go knuckles up with my nicotine addiction all day long. Some days, it’s just a first round knock out. I post roll, I go on with my day and have no cravings. Other days, it’s a street fight. The kind of nasty street fight that makes you nervous to even watch. This ain’t no game. There can only be one winner – ME.

Your favorite team is in the Super. They’re down by 6 in the 4th quarter and they’re driving to the end zone with little time. On the last play of the game, they throw a pass into the end zone to win and it’s intercepted! OH! What a bummer. Guess what? Tomorrow, everyone involved in that game, and everyone that watched it will get up and go about their days just like before.

In my daily fight with my addiction, I one day decide I’m not strong enough. I can’t fight any more. I cave. I die.

There is no trophy. There is no signing bonus. There is no medal. There is only life.

I’m not playing games here. I’m in a fight, and I’m going to win.

-Spring

Dec 8, 2010

268 days of freedom.