I have been trying to find the time to write this and seeing  a failure today screamed at me to get my thoughts out.    For the longest time it seems I listen to music and think about how it might relate to my life.  Sometimes it sounds corny but  hey, it keeps me motivated so feel free to call me corny.  My favorite band is Shinedown, there are very few of their songs I dislike.  Their newest one may be my favorite and am wondering if it may be the favorite of all time.  The name of the song is Diamond Eyes, and listening to the song and thinking about the lyrics one may wonder if these guys aren’t members of this site.  This is going to be long so sit back and let this sink in.

“I am the shadow, and the smoke in your eyes.  I am the ghost, that hides in the night.”

That my friends is the nic bitch, she is always there and she never leaves.  This is a realization all addicts have to come to, we are never cured and we never will be.  We invited her in and she will not leave so you must know where she is.  She hides, and comes up when you least expect her.  If you do nothing else, walk away knowing this is the one thing you can never forget.

“One push is all you need/Fist first philosophy/We watch with wounded eyes/So I hope you recognize”

“Out on the front line, don’t worry I’ll be fine/The story is just beginning/I say goodbye to my weakness/So long to the regrets/And now I know that I’m alive”

It was many years ago but 7 guys decided to take the first step to save our lives and help get us off nictotine.  They lived through the pain of beating an addiction and showed us all how.  They also showed us how to help each other, they showed us how to help new quitters.  We all needed some kind of push to get started, and they knew it.  I needed a push but never wanted to admit it was true.  It is amazing to me how easy I recognize an addict, because I know I am one.   So who am I today, I like to think I am right there with the original 7, out in front helping others, listening to rage, being pissed at how people dont stay quit, and getting someone through the next five minutes of cravings so the dont go back.  The story is just beginning, because everday we start over and commit to ourselves that we are quit.  I am not a slave to the can, I do not miss anything because I needed to pack my lip with something that can kill me.  I have no regrets, I am living and its great.

“Wait, wait a minute take a step back/Gotta think twice before you react/So stay, stay a little while cause a promise Not kept is the road to exile”

We have all had these moments, whatever store you are in.  Someone in front of you just bought a can, you think, I will have one and throw the can away.  Sorry there is never just one, don’t trick yourself into believing this.  The last part of the lyric above may be the most important thing you read so read it again, let it sink into your head.  The foundation of  killthecan.org and how we now live our lives, and if you do nothing else here on the site, if you sign in everyday you better be living this.  If you don’t keep your word, it will soon be worth nothing.  When  you sign your name you gave your word, I will not use nicotine today.  I did not say dip, I said nicotine, no dip, chew, patch, cigarette, pipe, cigar, gum, nothing.  I promised this today, nothing more.  It will feel so good that I will want to do it tomorrow.  If you fail, you can come back but it will be very hard.  For most of you I will never stand face to face with, all you have is my word on roll.  If I don’t keep that, how else are you supposed to believe I will do what I say?  While it sounds harsh, if you give me your word and let me down, you just turn down that road, the road to exile in my book.  I would expect you to do the same to me if I did not keep my word.  You have a way to stop it, many people on this site will offer you their phone number for this exact circumstance, to make sure you don;t listen and buy one.

“So, what, what are you worth/The things you love or the people you hurt”

My addiction heurt my family more than I care to admit.  I missed many things, lied to my kids when I went in the store and told the kids I bought nothing.  Not wanting to go somewhere because I could not dip.  It all comes down to what you want, you want to be with the people you love or do you want to keep being selfish?  I know what I want and I know what I choose. 

When I hear this song, I am convinced they wrote this for addicts.  Now you may not find inspiration here for quit, you may find it elsewhere but wherever you find it, use it to keep the quit fresh.  I for one am happy to be out on the site helping in my own way.  All ways of helping are the right way, just so long as you are doing it.  For a new quitter reading this, think about keeping that promise, do not go down the road to exile.

klark’s song:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hez6tDpiWDA

klark – day 479