I was thinking about my quit today, and thought about a lot of the feelings, emotions, and my mindset at the time earlier in my quit….pre HOF. And one thing that sticks out in my head is the fact that I thought if I stayed quit long enough that I might deserve a pinch later…or that I earned one. Each day closer to the HOF, and everyday after, I became more aware of really what this was all about. It’s not about bragging to my wife that I’ve been quit for X amount of days, or about spending the money that I have saved so far, or deserving something special….its about independence. Freedom. Its a word that is thrown around a lot, especially in the past decade or so….and until you’ve been truly enslaved by someone or someTHING in this case, you really don’t know what it means. I am so happy with my quit today. Not because I’m not killing myself, well, partly, but because I am FREE to do what I want, when I want without having to schedule things around dip. It is truly a liberating feeling.
How dumb was I to think that a pinch would be a prize? That my brain thinks it can be rewarded that way. That’s why we are all addicts, and always will be. That’s why we all need to be quit one day at a time. For our freedom.