The Return of the Living Dead: Addiction and the Undead

Hello.  My name is Scott and I quit chewing tobacco 39 days ago.  I had stopped previously for nearly 3 years (2006-2009).  Prior to that, I had stopped for short periods of time before returning to my addiction.

My quit has been a difficult one.  Initially, I craved tobacco every moment of my quit.  This feeling lasted about 3 days.  Once the physical symptoms of quitting wore off, I didn’t want the tobacco all the time.  But my brain felt otherwise…

I powered through it with lots of Smokey Mountain Snuff, water, and tears.

I felt helpless in those initial days.  I hurt.  I was angry.  I wanted to do massive damage and injury to many people.  But then I realized that I was not the only one that felt like this.

An inside look at an addict (Youtube)

The above linked movie surfaced years ago and chronicles what it’s like early on in a quit.  The addict is out of control, and feels like she needs her drugs to stop all the pain in her life.  I’ve seen it many times, but I have never looked as myself as an addict like her.

I feel bad for this lady.  She is an addict, but she does not even see it.  Her whole life (???) is in search of her drug.  From an addict’s perspective, she appears to be on early into her quit.  For any non-addicts, that is when true insanity strikes.   It is when your body starts to realize what you are doing to it, and you begin to question the resolve of your quit.  But it is also here where strong quits are forged.
That is why I decided to bring in this addict for an exclusive interview at killthecan.org.  I was quite surprised to what I found.

Scott:  Welcome ma’am.  I just want to say how proud I am of your quit.  You look wonderful.  It looks like you have started eating regularly again, and been to the doctor for the skin issues and….lack of lower body.

Mrs. Z:  Thanks….Scott.  I hate that video, and I hate what I was.  However, part of me is happy it exists to document that time in my life.

Scott:  And what were you Mrs. Z?

Mrs. Z:  I was, and I still am, an addict.  I am addicted to brains.  I have been thinks free for over 20 year.

Scott:  Thinks?

Mrs. Z:  It’s zombie slang for devouring brains.  It’s akin to humans “dip”.

Scott:  I quit dipping 39 days ago.  I see a lot of similarities in our addictions.  I had a very tough time at first, but I think I have this conquered.

Mrs. Z:  First of all, Scott, you will never have this conquered.  You will always be an addict.  Quitting does not change that.  There are many similarities in our quits (except I find the idea of chewing absolutely disgusting) however.  We both went through hell in the first few days of our quits as these poisons left our body.  Hell, I was in such pain I cut off my lower torso.  You have no idea how much I regret that…

I woke up the first day I decided to quit, and my resolve let me get through it.  I was told to drink a lot of water and stay active in those first few days, but I’m a fucking zombie.  I don’t need water to survive.  It does nothing for me!  And as I cut off my legs later that day just to get my mind off of minds, staying active was difficult.

Somehow, I got through that first day.  It was the hardest thing I ever did.  But then came day 2…

I knew that the day was going to start out bad because some stupid teenager drank too much and passed out on my grave.  I crawled out of my coffin to find a fresh unopened bowl of thinks just sitting there and waiting for me to devour it.  Luckily, I joined this site called dontkillthecranium.zom.  It’s a great site.  It’s filled with quitters like me that know exactly what I’m going through.

Scott:  I am a member of a similar website called killthecan.org.  Our goal is to quit for 100 days 1 day at a time.

Mrs. Z:  It sounds very similar, but I think you are missing a very important realization in your quit.  Your goal is not to quit for 100 days 1 day at a time.  Your goal is to quit forever.  100 days just happens to come before forever.  Unfortunately, when you think about quitting forever, it seems like such an impossible task.  However, if you quit today, that’s one day down.  If you quit tomorrow, that’s another.  Your initial goal is to make it past the first 3 days.  Then you set your sights on a week.  Then a month.  Then 100 days.  Then a year.  And so on…

Soon, you’ve quit forever.

Anyways, I got through my initial cravings and tossed my shit again.  I spent 2 hours in chat.  Do you know that happened next?  I fell asleep for a little bit as my body was completely rejecting any rational stimuli, and I was rudely awakened by the gentlemen in the video.  I wanted to eat brains soooo bad for that.  I’ve never craved so hard in my life as I did at that moment.

What the viewers don’t see is that 2:00 minute clip is that my craving lasted another minute or so.  I was completely sane again, and apologized profusely to them for being bitchy.  We had a little laugh, and the old one recounted how he quit smoking years ago.  He gave me his number to text him.

I had much more resolve that day.  I knew I had the strength to get through it.  I never felt as bad as I did that day, but I have craved since then.  In fact, when I first saw you, I thought how nice it would be to crack open your skull and let the smell of your brain permeate the room.  But I resisted because my quit is strong.  I made it through that initial week, my initial 100 days, and eventually my initial year.

Scott:  So what should the readers take from your, and mine, story?

Mrs. Z:  First off, you are an addict.  Do not begin a quit without admitting this to yourself.  You will only be wasting your time if you don’t.  Secondly, don’t think that the entire quit is all like the first few days.  Mine was embarrassingly bad.  Every quitter goes through it.  The key is to find tools that help you deal with the bad times (because the bad times pass).  And when the bad times pass, you are left with a grand sense of achievement.  But do not lose yourself in it.  You started this odyssey out as an addict, and you are still one when you die. Hell, you’re still one when you are the undead. Quitting does not change this.  Quitting  proves you can overpower body on command.

Scott:  Thank you, Mrs. Z.  I don’t think I’ll ever forget this interview.  And I also won’t forget that I am an addict.

Mrs. Z:  It’s been a pleasure.  Keep those cat turds out of your lip.