Mind Dump – No Rough Draft, No Revisions

DeepyDeeDont Mind DumpHere is my first post, no rough draft, no revisions, no proofreading.  I am writing for my health.

It has been 27 days since my last intake of the deadly well known carcinogen as well as alcohol. Big deal! the non addicted might say. Well, it is a big deal for those of us that have managed to stop the nasty habit.

Why do we start this Nasty habit? Do you remember your first dip? think back, where were you? who was around you? Who offered it to you? was it cold or hot out? How did it make you feel, physically and psychologically?

I’ll share some of my story with you today.

Why Did I start? I started because I wanted to be part of the cool crowd when I was a teenager. If I knew then what I know now. It represented manly behavior and athleticism, yet it did neither, but the lie was more shiny and truer than the real truth. Unbelievable!!.

Do I remember my first Dip? I certainly do. My best bud and I were hanging out in my car and he offered me some Levi Garret, tried it, made me puke. After I recovered from my body’s rejection of this poison, I tried it again and this time it managed to stay. After that it took a couple of times to try it until I finally managed to keep the tobacco in my mouth without regurgitating, I was hooked.

I think I covered who was around me and who offered it to me. Was it cold or hot out? I remember it was cold because I had to open the door of my car to puke as I mentioned before and I remember feeling the frigid wind blasting everywhere, but I had worse problems at that moment to worry too much about it.

How did it make me feel physically and psychologically? well I think I covered a bit on the physical part, however, aside from the sickening sensation there was a rush of fake power, slight dizziness, and the spitting of that disgusting concoction of saliva and thousand carcinogens provided the illusion of being cool, manliness and athleticism or did it? Well it did at the time and i think that covers the psychological part of the addiction for me.

For years I stayed with the chew, it was sweet and I don’t remember it being as powerful as the snuff, perhaps because I was still young, all knowing and invincible or perhaps because it is weaker, I have not done that research, but I will and I will come back here and post it as soon as I can. In any case I “graduated” to the big leagues as i call it by starting to dip on different types of snuff. I tried different brands and settled for skoal, with their alluring different flavors and could also be concealed a lot better than a big pouch of chew, I was hooked even deeper.

And almost 3 decades later here I am, getting rid of this Nasty Habit. Stay Strong!!

35 Replies to “Mind Dump – No Rough Draft, No Revisions”

  1. Day 28, I am losing track of the days without tobacco, the cravings still come and go, but are less powerful and more spread apart. There are triggers on everyday life and how wouldn’t there be, if the tobacco was part of my everyday life. if I felt sad, there it was, if I felt happy there it was, tired, sleepy, hungry, rain or shine especially after lunch. Now though, they have become more spread apart as if the triggers are dissipating, not entirely, but there are less of them.I guess the quit has become from a mere stoppage of a habit and into just everyday life.

  2. Day 30.
    On the last post I stated the wrong day number which enforces the point I was trying to make. Anyway it is day 30, one more day and I can say I been tobacco free for a month, so fast it can be said and yet as everyone here knows what a slow hellish journey it is.

    I was reading some of the other posts left by guys just starting their quit and they are counting hours, I remember those first days, I was actually calculating the time in hours and minutes to create the illusion that more time had gone by. I wanted for a month to be already gone by and here I am, only a couple of hours before day 31 gets here. I am not bragging guys, I am trying to encourage you to keep going, You too will be here at this day count and will continue to keep going. I know you will.

    I must confess that though I had tried on my own to quit, I kept falling back. So I reached to a higher power, after all, in my case, when I cannot do something and nothing or no one can help, that’s what I do, i reach for Him. So I started praying and it took a while to get my response, which at the time it seemed like a punishment, but now thinking back, if that episode hadn’t happened in my life I might still be struggling with my quit.

    The journey however has been hard, but it is no ones fault but my own, I cannot blame anyone but myself for allowing myself getting hooked with this nasty habit.

    Another good thing that’s happened is that we all have found this place where we come and share our stories or for the ones thinking about quitting, they start reading the stories and find inspiration on some of these proses, stories that are real life, this is what we all are going through, no scripts, no rough drafts, no do overs, That is why i titled this Topic Mind Dump and Chewie refined the title by including no rough draft no revisions from my text.

    By the way if I may say Thanks to CHEWIE for inviting me to write in my own space, I actually like the idea to look around during my day for things to say and compose a post for someone that may read this, after all that is why I am writing, for my health and hopefully to convince someone to quit or to keep going.

  3. Day 31.
    It has been exactly one Month, now I can say it, I’ve been tobacco free for one month. You guys starting out, you will be here also. You guys that have been free longer, you probably remember this milestone.

    The cravings still hit every once in a while on a daily basis and sometimes I can go most of the day without a craving. It helps that I stay busy with work and now going to the gym 3 days a week. I used to take a dip after a workout and now that trigger seems to be gone, if it hits me is usually very mild that i dismiss it right away.

    But I want to share something that got me all bummed out and pissed off at the same time, I had been lining up this part time job to work on the weekends for a couple of hours, well today I was told that the job got cancelled, three days from starting. Three freaking days!!!. I was counting on that gig to catch up with bills and savings and all that Bullshit, well the fucking thing didn’t happen and now I am pissing in the wind.

    Why is it that when I do good things I get slammed where it hurts the most and so I have to stop doing the good things?, Its been a month and the celebration I get is “You are dismissed” without even having started. I should be thankful for I still have a full time job, my health is improving and I have a good family.

    Anyway, how does all this mess tie in with my quit, well, as i already stated I was pretty bummed out about the bad news, so the first thing that goes through my mind is, Fuck it all, I am gonna go and buy a can of snuff and put half of that shit in my mouth and enjoy the fuck out of it. Then about 3-5 seconds passed and I said or thought: Whatever for?, why start again?, what is that going to do? I thought about how sick it made me feel, the dizziness, the cavities on my teeth, the bad smells and bad breath, the high blood pressure, the fucking money I had to spend on it, so I decided not to. as simple as that, I decided not to dip.

    I realized that dipping will not help the situation. It would eventually destroy me, but It wouldn’t help getting another job or make me feel any better.

    Everything happens for a reason. let me just leave it at that.

  4. Day 32.
    I said my health is improving on my last post, well, today I woke up with a serious belly ache, I am not sure if it was because of the intense abdominal workout i had or if there was an intestinal infection. I have worked out my abs and know how it hurts the day after, but this pain seemed to come in from deeper as though when you have a belly ache. Well it was serious enough to call in to work and take a sick day. I could not sleep due to the stupid pain and also not knowing what was causing the pain, so again I am blaming my quit as if my life was more glorious and happy when I was dipping. Seems like any thing to upset me or bring me down is used to start the dipping.

  5. Day 33.
    Seems like whenever there is a problem, other problems come at the same time, almost as though someone or something is there to bring it upon you. Trashing you, destroying you, bringing you down to your knees, forcing you to abandon your good deeds. I been getting my share and for some reason I remained strong on the quit, maybe it is this site, maybe it is me who knows, but I do know that things are not going good for me lately. King Solomon said “This too shall pass” how true that is. The bad thing about it is that it also applies to the good times.

    They say that nothing stays the same forever, everything changes, the only thing that remains constant is change itself, I read that somewhere, I cannot take credit for that thought. Now if this is true, chances are that our quit will change, when? we don’t know, the only thing that will prevent us from getting back into this habit is to destroy the thought of the habit.

    How can we do this?, well it will take time and strong will. I read that we should avoid the triggers, well we can only do that for so long, but it is hard not to run into these triggers because in my case for example I would dip all the time, so everything really triggers the dipping.

    In my case, I have walked into the triggers and faced them a couple of times. After a few times of doing it, the triggers fade out, they don’t dissapear completely but they are weaker. Again this is what I am doing for myself, if you think you will not be able to handle it, then DO NOT do it. For example Drinking, I actually have had a few beers and felt the dip trigger come on, it passed and then it became weaker. (perhaps this is a bad example, I am not encouraging anyone to drink, but this is listed as one of strongest triggers everywhere I been reading)

    Another example is when I have a good steak lunch, the craving for a dip is immediately afterwards, well I like my steak and so I aint gonna let this habit destroy my carnivore experience. the triggers, again have become very weak and almost non existant.

    I do not hunt or play video games, but I do work out and I would dip right after a work out, well guess what? I have continued working out and the craving is gone.

    I had to wait almost a month before I started this experiment on myself, it may or it may not work for you, but I think that instead of avoiding situations or activities that trigger the dipping, I want to face them, again and again, until the trigger mechanism gets destroyed if there is such a thing, that may be the solution to not being addicted for life, rather living life normally as though if this bad habit was something as a bad relationship, with a bad breakup that happened in the past and you may think about it sometimes, but it is in the past and it doesn’t hurt you no more. Perhaps that is a bad analogy, but I hope you get my theory.

    The same principle is used curing fears such as fear of flying or fear of heights, why not try it on quitting tobacco. Again this is only my theory, I will keep posting to see if it indeed has worked for me, so far it has.

  6. Day 34
    Well, lets see, today I woke up early and headed to the gym, I actually broke my own record in bench press, i was pretty proud of myself actually, in any case as i started writing my post I realized that my theory of confronting triggers is actually working.
    It wasn’t until the moment that I started writing that I realized that there was no trigger of dipping after my workout, whereas before as soon as I would leave the gym, I would start thinking about dipping, I would get the can and pop a generous amount in my lip and enjoy this poison, well, not today, lets see if it happens again tomorrow, as I am gonna go to the gym again since Monday will be labor day and the gym will be closed.

    A stronger trigger for me occurs after lunch, especially after a nice Steak for lunch as I mentioned in another post, well I did not have steak today, but I had a nice hearty meal and felt the craving afterwards, i learned to recognize it and deal with it. I say something like “there it is, there is the craving, at this point I would be reaching for the can” as I think these thoughts, time seems to slow down, but I know that chronological time must be about 5-10 seconds of the craving as opposed to entire minutes as in the beginning. As the reader can easily recognize that for me it would be impossible to hide or avoid this particular trigger, so therefore the need to deal with it, confront it and destroy it completely is a daily battle.

    If i am able to overcome this trigger, i think I can win the battle since the other triggers do not happen as often as this one.
    Perhaps I am to something here, I am aware of scientific studies about nicotine dependence cessation, but made from a second point of view, not from a first point of view.

    So Far I know that the nicotine dependence stops its physical craving after three days and a week at the most, the rest of the time mentioned in some places refer to a period of readjustment for the body. The psychological dependence lasts much longer and some say that it stays with you for the rest of your life, That is what I am trying to target on. To destroy the triggers by exposing them, recognizing them and confronting them head on, multiple times and see if the chain or programmed impulse can be dispersed, eradicated or somehow redirected to another response rather than nicotine cravings.

    I hope I didnt bore you guys with my mumbo jumbo, but this writing helps me to focus and continue with my quit, as I said in the beginning, I am writing for My Health.

  7. Day 35

    Interesting day of discovery today.

    As I head out to the gym this afternoon, I notice a big, dry cud of snuff on the floor that someone threw out there. Now as you may or may not have read my previous post I had mentioned that I would be keeping track of triggers that come up and also try to confront those triggers and see if I can overcome them permanently. Well, perhaps this situation was not a daily trigger and maybe just a coincidence that I saw the tobacco on the floor, but nevertheless, it brought the anxiety and impulse to purchase some and put it in my lip ( you know the drill), so I started counting the seconds to see how long that crave would last, I believe I counted until 10 or 15 seconds until new thoughts came into my mind and I started fuzzying about something else.

    After the workout however, I did not experience the craving, so it has been a couple of days of crave or trigger free after working working out. I know this because at the time I do not think about it, rather i remember much much later that I was supposed to be looking out for it, you see how it works?
    You just live life and not worry about the dipping, that is how I want to work on the other triggers I mentioned in previous posts.

    Now, here is the weird part (for lack of a better term) that happened today and in my research.

    I did not experience the crave after working out, but i DID EXPERIENCE IT BEFORE IT, now that may have been a coincidence because I saw the tobacco on the ground, but here is another trigger that I had not experienced before and it started today. As I am walking out the door, I feel a craving come up, I try to understand why and I remembered that in the past I would go outside to sneak in a dip, so the turning of the knob and the noise that door makes must have triggered it. What is worth noting is that I never had that craving before, and I am wondering if, as I destroy one craving, does another one come up using a different daily event?

    I hope not, that would be the equivalent of a living re-routing, re-programmable, mutating computer virus, but happening in our brains, triggering dipping cravings using different daily events as others are no longer used.

    If this is correct, we may have a huge battle in front of us and may agree with some folks in here that we may be addicts for life. I sure hope not, so I need to keep track of these things more accurately.

    Well, until next time folks, stay strong, all we can do is not do it


  8. Day 36

    Lazy day today, no bbq, no working out, just hung out and wasted a day. I had to drive for about 25 minutes and that was how long a craving lasted back and forth, it would start, I’d try to ignore it, would go away and then come up again. This was the longest craving I’ve had since I quit over a month ago.

    i had to pull over and get some gas, after i pumped the gas and opened the door to get back in the vehicle, I noticed that a can of snuff has slid from underneath the seat.
    I saw it and picked it up. Instead of throwing it away, I held it, looked at it, it felt about three quarters full. I figured it would be dried up since it has been at least a month that this thing has been hiding under the seat.

    I opened it, i saw it, it was there, still moist about three quarters full, I aint gonna lie, the thought did cross my mind to just get some and enjoy this garbage. Who is going to know? Who cares? what is the big deal? aren’t you a man? aren’t you a grown up? how bad can it be? no one has to know. I felt all alone as if i was squaring off with the bad guy in the middle of the street like in the old west. it may sound comical now, but the thought was real, I got tempted and I DID NOT do it.

    I answered all the questions afterwards in my brain, even if no one knows or finds out I was thinking, I would Know and after all, it is me going through this battle, I cannot fool myself.

    On previous posts I expressed that the cravings were few and spread apart, so I thought i was beating this thing, after today, however, I am wondering if the cravings will ever stop or do they come up with more intensity at any time, no matter how many days or months you are quit?

    Does anyone care to share their wisdom of their quit? Has this happened to anyone else? or is it different for everyone else.?

  9. Day 37

    Yesterday was day 37, I did not have access to my gear, but just as well. did not have much to report. Only that I had a long lasting crave and it went away, crazy how you think you got this thing whipped and then it gets you again. Shiva and Jayp offered their advise on what to expect, well, there is nothing like experience learned in your own skin aint it? thanks for your replies. I thought I was all alone out here.
    Anyway. starting day 38, lets see what happens today.

  10. Day 38
    Nothing exciting to report for yesterday, just went to work, worked out like a beast at the gym and ate like a freaking bear after work out, I must have had like 2 pounds of chicken if not more along with vegetables and Quinoa. I noticed that when you stop doing the snuff crap, your apetite increases, at least mine did, so I am on the wolverine diet and work out like crazy too so i won’t get fat. Hopefully after things stabilize I won’t have to work out so hard and eat like an animal. Anyway, that’s how boring my day was, but I managed to stay off the booze and spit so far.

  11. on day 47 I am severely weakened on my understanding of my quit, perhaps it is because of the limited support and understanding from others as they may not understand as to the severity of the addiction of this legal drug.
    Everyone has an addiction, it is just that people don’t perceive it as an addiction per se until it might be too late.
    so which one is worse? which one is better? Who cares when you are in it and you continue to go with it even after you realize that whatever it is that you are doing is detrimental for you and yet you continue doing it.
    So what is your addiction? what is it that you can’t let go? a drug? a relationship? a type of food? a dysfunctional behavior? what is it?

    who knows and who cares, only you know what it is, and the reason you look for others behaviors or addictions is to justify your own habit aint it? sure it is, don’t lie to yourself, that’s how I started this Vent. I want more support from others because they dont understand that what I am going through it is of epic proportions, but they dont understand because they have their own nemesis to deal with. It is not up to them , it is up to me, just like it is not up to me how they deal with their problems.

    sock it up they say, what else can you do?

  12. Day 48
    I am fully convinced there is something or someone not of this world trying to destroy the good work i have started, if it sounds too weird then call it, bad luck, coincidence, karma, whatever the hell you want to call it, but some shit is happening, and it comes all at once seems like.

    First, I mentioned a job that i didn’t get.
    Second, a death in the family.
    Third, another family member admitted to a hospital in bad shape.
    Fourth, straining family relationship due to all the hardship.
    Fifth, of course financial issues like everyone else.

    Did I mention that all of these things except for the first one happened in 2 days, 2 days apart.

    Does anyone else have something like this going on or it is just me,? it seems like in the past, things would come up like they always do, and i resolved them and moved on.

    I am trying to do something good here, and to me, it seems that someone or something as i said before, is throwing everything but the kitchen sink at me at once so i would just give up. I do not see it as “it is being done to you to keep your mind occupied on other things so you won’t do the dipping”, because stress is a major trigger for me to start throwing shit in my mouth.

    Again, I know it kind of sounds crazy, but it just seems as though it is being done on purpose to me, it is true when the say that cliche, “you can’t make this stuff up”. Days of our life or As the world turn soap writers could not have imagined these things for their shows.

    Though I am going through hell, I still have not dipped, not because I am such a superhuman man or I am such a tough guy with such a great character and power of assertiveness as i heard people in here, but just simply because i choose not to do it. it is said easily, but living it seems to be a daunting task.

    Perhaps it is time to once again, turn to the the only one that can help me?. This part of my life I am walking through reminds me of the psalm that says:

    “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me”.

    All of these bad things for sure would have led me to use tremendous amounts of tobacco, would it had helped if i dipped? absolutely not, but the craving would have been satisfied.

    I am rambling now, I think I made my point. things are not good for me right now and want to ask him for help.

    thanks for listening (reading)

  13. Day 50.
    I did it, I freaking did it. I made it to halfway of the HOF. And according to the timeline for quitters it says that I am on cruise control and to wait for the joys of Anxiety attacks if they have not happened already. Well I don’t think I’ve had anxiety attacks, but plenty of reminders that its time to Dip again.

    I am pretty proud of myself at this point though.

    1. I actually had a few Brews and managed to keep the craving under control, I may have felt it maybe 2 or 3 times during the evening, but I did not cave in.

    2. I actually went in to a gas station for the second time in a long time and there they were(Tobacco cans) behind the counter, once again looking all shiny and almost winking at me. Strange, weird feeling as though as if you see a super hot girlfriend that you broke it off with, and you ask yourself why in the hell did I let her go?, then you remember oh yeah, she was a biatch.
    The same thoughts raced through my head looking at those cans (no pun intended) at the store and thought to myself, I left you cause you nearly destroyed me, because you contributed to nothing positive in my life, because you are high maintenance, just a plain ol Biatch. Anyway I paid for my stuff and got out of there, again, I did not cave in.

    Thanks for reading

  14. ooops!!! life happens, couldn’t post last night. unexpected visit. I’ll try tonight, I got some really good things to tell you guys, but no time to type.

  15. Day 55

    I am actually associating the number of days to specific important events in my life or just in general.

    Today is day 55, that’s the age I am planning on retiring. So its a particularly bad ass day. When it comes, no more putting up with crap, no more waking up at dawn if I don’t want to, no more meetings, no more, well ya’ll know the drill. Anyway, just sharing tidbits to keep my mind occupied. seems to work.

    Ok, well, a while back i wrote in a couple of posts that I was extremely pissed because of a job I didn’t get, and that i was trying to reach to a higher power because I was pretty bummed out.
    The quit was not making things easier either, but i did not cave in. In Any case, what I am trying to say is that God does listen, he does work in mysterious ways and sometimes if you are blessed, he shows you how he is working on your life.

    Now I am writing theology here because it ties with the point I am trying to drive in, if you do not believe in God or are not religious, then you don’t have to read, this is what happened to me and it is my duty to let it be known.
    I was at the end of my understanding as to why things were going so bad, even though I was knocking the crap out of this Nasty habit, and was trying to be a good father, husband, son etc. So I basically broke down and asked why these things were happening, I must admit that I was really upset, insignificant me, asking the creator to show me the plans that he had for me, now bear in mind that he doesn’t have to, but he did show me, not that day, but the next day. That day , after I finished my tantrum, I got ready and went to the gym, leaving everything in his hands I said..

    Well here is what happened, at work there was an announcement that I was getting a pay increase and was calculated by the amount of money i was getting, now you see if I would have gotten that part time job I would have been over the Maximum amount to qualify for this pay increase to kick in, at that moment that I realized why I didn’t get that job, I realized how He was working in my life, I was so humbled, I felt so bad because just the day before, ignorant, disrespectful me, was upset because of the bad things happening in my life without knowing what was happening and why.

    I hope you guys get the immense message of those words. I remember one of you guys replied to one of my rants and said, “He does listen” Well, you sir have incredible amount of wisdom. The proof was shown to me and it increased my faith and my courage to continue staying Quit.

    The way i see it, is like this: the money is ok, but the fact that he Showed me how he was working in my life, that, my fellow quitters is greater than anything else. I couldn’t wait to come here and tell you guys all about it. He knows the struggles we are going through on something that we brought to ourselves, unnecessary bad habit that thanks to him we did not seriously sickened our bodies to Cancer or other diseases, we do not deserve to be rescued, but he is bigger than all of us and anything that tempt us and might try to destroy us. We made the decision to Quit and he sees that, and in some cases he rewards us with things that we don’t even know are good for us, even if at the moment, they seem to be bad for us.

    I don’t want to leave you guys without saying thanks, for some of you have told me that I inspired and kept you strong to continue ya’lls quit, hell I was even called a Superhero, never been called that, so your support and most important with His help I managed to stay quit and If I ever did anything good in this life I hope this is one of them, to help others to stay quit.

    Stay tuned….. there is more to come. Stay Strong guys.

    Thank you for reading…..


  16. Day 56

    Today was spent watching movies, munching and napping. Boring day, but at least got some rest to start the week. In four days it will be 60 days since my last dip. What is the deal with these cravings? I read of people that have a 1000 days quit and they still have cravings, very mild they say, but they still there.

    Now here is something ironic that i encountered one time when I purchased a can of crap, as I was paying for it, the distributor guy was there dropping off the shipment, he saw me buying it and I believe he told me something like, Don’t do it, it’s bad for you, I did it for 20 something years and quit 5 years ago or some long time like that. But then he hands me a can of each flavor and says its my job.

    How miserable must this guy have been? The Irony was incredible here.

    At the time I didn’t think much of it since I walked out of there with 5 or six cans for free, until now 10 or 15 years later, i started thinking about this episode, I guess because I am going through my own quit now.

  17. Day 57
    I remember when I stumbled upon this page, I had no idea how many people were trying to quit and how many people were already in the process of quitting.

    By reading all of these posts I noticed that we all start this habit at different ages and for different reasons, but the main reason why we all are trying to quit seems to be because we become aware of the detriment that tobacco can inflict on our health. Either something has gone wrong with the body or people have read about long time nicotine use somewhere on the Internet or magazines.

    In Either case we start thinking about quitting. Some of us actually start the quit. Not so easy aint it? Someone actually told me what I didn’t want to hear once , we were running together and I had to stop and sit down because I was in terrible shape number one and number two, I had not quit using tobacco at that time.

    The person was upset because I had to stop running and told me, “you know what it’s wrong and what to do, but you won’t do it. ” Those words stuck in my head for the longest time, but I still could not quit. I would stop for a bit like a lot of people mention in here, but then as soon as I felt strong and better, I’d start all over again.

    Here is a trick that I used that may help. The first 3 days of your quit is pure hell so when I got sick as a dog from a bad cold or food poisoning and couldn’t do much but ride it out, that’s when I decided to start my quit.
    I already felt like Hell because of the sickness so i thought might as well use those days for my quit, but I must admit, I still wanted to dip, even as I was laying in bed, but i thought to myself I have to get better first so I tricked myself into waiting for it, when I got better I decided to wait a little longer, just another day I said, and another, before I knew it, a week and a half had gone by and so I continued.

    I was pretty proud of myself because i was off the snuff for a couple of days, but I noticed instead of feeling better I was in a fog all day long, couldn’t concentrate and just overall in pretty bad shape, I knew it had something to do with the quit, but I did not know it was a normal process until I came to this site and read the article “What to expect when you quit dipping” and sure enough the hellish state i was in, was described in there.

    Anyway, that worked for me, but it may not work for you, everyone is different, but IT CAN BE DONE, that’s the main point of this rambling.

    Thanks for reading.

  18. Day 59
    Nothing to report today just another Boring day, went to work, came back and now sitting here hoping not to pickup the keys and drive to the store and get some of that delicious shit. After 59 days and still thinking like that, this is not good.

  19. Day 60

    This is what I wrote and posted it everywhere I could……………………………….

    Two Stinking Months I been off the Shitsky, I am proud..

    Dude if you are contemplating quitting?, Do it!!!, Just Do it!! I dare you, I know you all can do it too.

    I know you got what it takes,

    You know how when you got started Doing this Shit, you felt like a MAN, a tough guy?

    Well It takes a Much Bigger Man to Quit. Be that Man, OWN it Fellas, Own that Shit.

    Come on Do it!!, and then come back here and tell us all about it, there are a bunch of guys here that will listen to your progress, rants, failures, whatever the Hell you want to talk about. I know they heard it from me, its been 2 Months and I’ve written almost every day.

    So What’s your story?

  20. Well today it was my 60 day of staying quit, I wrote one post earlier and thought, well maybe I am not reaching enough folks with my rants and daily anecdotes, so I decided to just lay it all out, and this is what I Wrote:

    If I ever did anything good on this earth, I hope this is it. I am calling all of yall dippers out

    I know a lot of tough people that dip, but it is even tougher to quit the dip and stay quit.

    ********* Don’t let a tiny little tin can kick your ass, get tougher and “Kill the can” ********* ******************************************************************************************

    Now, Who is going to be the first?

  21. Day 65

    It doesn’t get better, this really sucks, i’ve had a craving all fucking afternoon. I saw this dumb fuck fat fucker taking a huge dip and spitting in a cup today while I was driving and I hate to admit it, but it was a fucking delicious sight, Ugly motherfucker in a beat up truck, to anyone else probably a disgusting scene to see, but to an ex dipper like me it was a really spectacular view, my mouth has been watering and I have been fighting the urge to just go and buy a can. Now I know I am just a piece of shit addicted ex dipper. I wish I could report that I drove by and I didn’t even get tempted, I wish I could say like in other posts I had my head high and felt bad for that person dipping, but no, I felt less than dirt because the craving is still there and seems to be more powerful than ever.
    As I am typing this comment, I am wondering if I should share it, as I do not want to discourage the ones that are just starting, but the truth needs to be told, the journey aint easy, even when you get 2 months under your belt.

    damn it all to hell, I wish I had never started this fucking shit, this is Hell.

  22. Weird how we all get help huh? on my last post I was pretty down, but then I found some strength in one of the posts I left in another site. here is how it all got started:

    I said:

    I hope so Jeff, if I ever did anything good on this earth, I hope that is it.

    I met a lot of tough guys that dip, but it is even tougher to quit and stay quit.

    ********* Don’t let a tiny little plastic can kick your ass, get tough and “Kill the can” ********* ******************************************************************************************

    Now, Who is going to be the first?

    Then Joey responded:

    September 30, 2014 at 7:06 pm

    ME I WANNA BE FIRST!! Its only been 9 hours for me and im so scared, i just feel so lonely i dont even want to leave my house grizzly straight was my best friend for 6 years and i also had a girlfriend for 6 years i thought that was bad to get over but god dam this is 10x worse i just lose everything in life but i refuse to lose my teeth or my tounge you guys are an inspiration i have one lip left in my tin and im waiting for a good time to do it which is tonight for the game than after that im going midnight on thanksgiving aka cold turkey ride or die with me boys i love yall


    Well Hot dam Joey, it is usually the other way around when the older brothers help the younger ones, but shit I am so dam glad you started your quit, I just finished posting a bad rant about my quit, but since you responded I found new strength to keep going. I shit you not, I had my keys ready to go to the store and get a can and start dipping again, here is what I wrote:
    Day 65

    It doesn’t get better, this really sucks, i’ve had a craving all fucking afternoon. I saw this dumb fuck fat fucker taking a huge dip and spitting in a cup today while I was driving and I hate to admit it, but it was a fucking delicious sight, Ugly motherfucker in a beat up truck, to anyone else probably a disgusting scene to see, but to an ex dipper like me it was a really spectacular view, my mouth has been watering and I have been fighting the urge to just go and buy a can. Now I know I am just a piece of shit addicted ex dipper. I wish I could report that I drove by and I didn’t even get tempted, I wish I could say like in other posts I had my head high and felt bad for that person dipping, but no, I felt less than dirt because the craving is still there and seems to be more powerful than ever.
    As I am typing this comment, I am wondering if I should share it, as I do not want to discourage the ones that are just starting, but the truth needs to be told, the journey aint easy, even when you get 2 months under your belt.

    damn it all to hell, I wish I had never started this fucking shit, this is Hell.

    Now you have to be strong so I can stay strong, that’s how it works, I really thought people talking like this in here were full of shit, but now I know it’s true.

    So Who is Next?

  23. the rant is over so here is the answer i gave to one day D:

    One day D, day 65 here.

    I absolutely remember those days, its like a copy cat, but I got a better one, check this out:

    One time I went down to Mexico in my brand new truck, bad ass bitch, black with KC lights, 6 gears on the floor, tough looking mother and I remember I had my girlfriend at the time with me. I had taken a huge dip right after i filled up the tank and she was asleep during the drive so I just kept driving and didnt want to lower the window to spit so i wouldn’t wake her up, btw, i also didn’t have a spitoon in my brand new truck, hell no.

    Anyway, cruised through the border and lucky me, we had to stop for a check up, by this time I had a gigantic bubble of spit, so I remember opening the door to get out and I see the federale’s boot on the ground at the same time I spit on the floor, to this day, I had no idea how in the hell the spit bent the laws of physics and changed direction in mid air, but landed 2 inches away from that freaking shiny ass boot, here is the funny part:
    I didn’t know, but after we drove away, my girlfriend at the time busted out laughing and said how in the hell did you miss his boot? I was picturing you in handcuffs and being hauled away to prison for spitting on the mans boots.
    Funny now, not too funny at the time.

  24. No hell no, you aint babbling (jeff) or Rambling(jayP) BTW and Chewie, thanks for your words, thanks for continuing writing, if it hadnt been for your posts I would have gone back to dippin yesterday. I know, I know The Mighty Deepydeedont was brought down to his knees, but I am back strong today. just had to catch my second wind.
    I actually challenged dippers that come to this site lurking for info in one of my posts, you remember like most of us when we were thinking about quiting, and I actually got one young man to take the challenge, so I hope he makes it. so because of Joey the newbie and you guys actually saved me yesterday, so therefore, tonight concludes day 66 for me.


  25. Day 67
    Special day so I couldn’t pass the opportunity to record it in the digital world.
    Hectic at work so the day flew by.
    Went to the Gym and worked out pretty heavy today.
    Had about 3 cravings today, I have a little trick now, when they hit I start counting, thousand one, thousand 2, thousand three, seems to keep my mind occupied and re-routes the anxiety to a different part of the brain, in other words it just distracts me, before I know it, the craving passes and I continue my life. Weird aint it?, that feeling you get when the craving hits? Someone in here described it as a lonely feeling or as if you lost your best friend, or as if someone dear to you has passed away. Isn’t it horrendous that we associate those feelings to an Inert, carcinogenic piece of shit tobacco.?

  26. Day 69

    A long time ago when my niece was only a small child, she came in from school and told me that drugs were bad for people, i said yes, that is true.
    She said then why do you do it? I said I do not do drugs.
    She said, yes you do, you use tobacco.
    That, threw me off my rocker. I guess I hadn’t thought about tobacco as a drug, since it is legal and sold at stores and all.

    Anyway i dismissed that talk, the years passed and she might have gotten after me about dipping and how bad it was a couple of times, but I didn’t listen to her after all she was just a little kid.

    One day I excused myself from the family and said I was running to the store, my niece said, what are you getting? some deepyDeeDooo? she said in a comical way, I said yes why?, hmm no reason and ran off to play.

    You get it now?

    She had made peace with my dipping, in her own little way she accepted me with my disgusting habit.
    Had I not been so hard headed, I should have stopped then, but I was not ready.

    They say in this site that if you quit for someone else, it doesn’t work out, it has to come from yourself and no one else.

    A decade later I finally had enough, I stopped dipping, started getting the symptoms everyone else here went through, so I decided to look around for help, i found this place and the rest is history, you guys have read my story from then on.

    I had to pick a name, so that episode in my life came to mind, hence I chose
    DeepyDeeDon’t. (I do not have to make people accept me, when i am doing wrong)

    She was the only one that stood up to me and had the guts to tell me I was doing something wrong, but I couldn’t see it. I thought I was actually cool for doing that disgusting ritual, how wrong I was.

  27. Day 70

    I made it to the next level.

    How does it feel? Well, I do feel a sense of pride, but it is not the end of the road.

    Optimistically speaking, I do feel better for the most part. I estimate a 96 percent of the time during a day, life is normal and free of tobacco cravings, it is that 4% that I have to watch out for. That is the suckiest part of the quit.

    You all take care.

  28. Day 81
    Wow, eleven days since I last posted here. I have been posting on kill the can site though. It just seems that there is more exposure in that site and I have been trying to help out other brothers in there. This place is more like my place to Rant by myself I guess. I am ok today actually, just ordered my pack of fake snuff, I finally gave in. I need a little extra help since I am going through the funk and all, I hope it works.

  29. Day 82

    I’ve been Mostly posting on the KTC site because there is a new brother, his name is Rick and we’ve been trying to help him out, when I say we, I mean JayP and Jeff, these guys that I never knew before and probably will never meet, but the 3 of us are helping Rick on his first days of his quit, this is what I last wrote to them.
    ” By the Way Jayp and Rick, I also kept the last can of snuff and it is still there under the seat of my Jeep,

    I Don’t know why I kept it either. Maybe because I thought that there would be a day when I would cave in and be within easy reach, maybe because I wanted to see if I could have the temptation so near and not do it, I do not know why.

    It aint as ballsy as JayP because he keeps it in plain sight, i don’t know if I could have done that, but mine is there just out of sight, but not out of mind.

    One of these days, I will throw it out, I know I will, and it will be mainly ceremonial really, maybe that is the reason why I kept it, so some day I could proudly throw it away”.

  30. Day 85

    I had to stop and get some gas yesterday. I saw them behind the counter, shiny, colorful and alluring.
    My brother was with me so I told him look at them it would be so easy to just order one and pop it right into my lip.
    He said nothing, but I know he is proud of me, he never did this garbage so he don’t know how hard it is to quit it, only what he is seen me go through.

    One good thing happened, I contacted my Insurance as one of you guys did earlier and told them to stop the tobacco users charge. I was so Damned proud of myself. I can look at people in the eye and think, I ain’t a user just like you.

    And to the shit can I say this: You may have knocked me down once, but I aint going down no more!!, it’s my turn and I am coming after you.

  31. Congratulations. It’s so great to see all of us making the steps towards recovery from the nasty shit we put in our mouths. Quit on!

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