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Be Mindful of Your Surroundings

I haven’t had a lot of time over the holiday season to be on KTC for perusing or chatting, just posting. But in going through some of the present HOF class threads, I read about a few caves. One of them had to do with a major vet that now had to post day 1 after being all the way on the 8th floor I believe. He succumbed to a situation we are all familiar with and one I won’t get into as they are all the same.  At one time or another we all have fucking pussed out and its as simple as that. A couple nights after reading about it, a friend of mine that has been quit for some time now, got into it with me over a beer about a situation that could potentially leave me with the same fate .

We were talking about what was going on lately with one another as we hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks. He’s a childhood friend who happens to still live near me. We have pretty much been through most things together and nothing is ever a surprise between us. So, the other night he asked me to come over to hang for a bit with a friend from high school and a couple other buddies. Of course, I couldn’t make it, partly because I didn’t have the effort, partly because I just couldn’t with family commitments.

So, when he was over the other night for a few beers I asked him how the gathering was. The usual, some cards, some game called “Farkle,” beer, and cigars. I thanked myself instantly for not going when he said cigars. I brought up to him the sentiment I was feeling and he didn’t share the same feeling about it as I had. He didn’t understand what the big deal was, and inquired about what would I do when we play golf, or hang out over the summer for a bbq, hanging out with our fathers…. I told him that I wouldn’t take a puff. I’m an addict.

The peer pressure started coming down hard now. I mean, what the fuck? I’m almost 37 and I have to deal with this shit? Dude, I said “no.” Why can’t that just be the end of it.  I mean hey, why not just have another pinch for Christ sakes? What’s the big deal? Then he threw out the phrase “I’ll smoke them just to get my nicotine fix every once in a while.”  Seriously bro? Whole reason I’m quit is to say FU to the nic bitch, not to worship her in another form. I began to change the subject, but man, anxiety did set in. And what pisses me off is that he can be relentless about pushing shit on me to make himself feel better about his addictions.

When I was training for an Ironman, I was pretty much not drinking alcohol and still don’t indulge, or overindulge I should say, as much as I used to. Now, while reading this, you are asking yourself why am I still friends with him? Well, because I understand the addict, and he’s been my boy since the age of 3 and really, this part of our friendship makes up for about .0001% of it. After I get fed up with it, I simply say “no, now shut the fuck up” (movie???) and move on with the rest of the night. Boys are like that.

Everyday, in one form or another, I am constantly reminded of nicotine and my struggle with it, and in its MANY forms. But what I’m really getting at is that not only do we struggle with the siren song of the nic bitch each day, but we will struggle with situations that are presented to us that may seem innocuous.  A situation that can lead us all back down the road of slavery.  ALL of these situation are unacceptable. We can never forget that. I’m not quit today from dip, I’m quit today from nicotine and all of its many forms. I’m free today from nicotine. You better be too. Its a new year, and my first in 17 years without shit in my mouth. Well, for today anyway! Stay quit, don’t be a pussy, no matter what the situation, or what form the nic bitch comes in. Its never okay.

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