klark – Day 379

After a year in I can finally say I feel pretty solid in the quit. Over a years worth of everyday trials behind me has told me I can do this. Sure I think about it from time to time but for the most part life without nicotine is the new normal. I do however realize that the nic bitch lurks in the shadows and for that reason I stay vigilant.

So there I am starting the day feeling pretty good. My wife was out of town, I got up early and got the kids stuff ready. In other words a good start to the day. Well it only takes one small incident to throw that for a loop. Among many little things that happened the kids finally made it to daycare and dad was on his way to work. I was running late now but no big deal, I will catch up quickly and get ready for our presentation at work. For me, dipping on the way to work was replaced by drinking coffee. Well after all the little things that morning, my cup has a leak and I spill coffee on my pants. After screaming some obscenities and people probably wondering what is wrong with me, I decide to live with the spot there and hope no one really notices as I have no time to run home and change.

As you read this you probably wonder, what the hell is the point? We all have bad mornings and we all deal with it. It was at this point the weirdest thought popped in my head. I thought, if I had been dipping this would not have happened. HUH? After a little more than a year the little devil that lurks waits until a opportunity shows up to rear it’s ugly head. I was shocked to say the least, I had not thought about it for a long time but damn if the bitch did not pop out.

So for all of you early in the quit, yes we all deal with the same things which is why we quit today. The difference between now and early in the quit? Early in I would have had to talk myself out of stopping for a can, yesterday it was a thought and I quickly caught it and moved on. You will get better at dealing with the justifications but realize it is always there, waiting for you where you least expect it.